This is not the first draft. It had to be sent to three of my classmates for peer review. A common feedback was that the ending was too upsetting, which was my goal, although one reviewer said that while they recognized my intent, they believed the ending was unsatisfying nonetheless, so I tweaked the ending, as well as trying to make it more believable and easy to read. I also had to keep shortening scenes because I kept exceeding the limit. This is the final product I ended up with.